


Love Is The Drug For Me

by mccolfer



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, tw: great gatsby spoilers, vaguely follows canon just in an alternate universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-07 20:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8814820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mccolfer/pseuds/mccolfer
Summary: The soulmate mark system is one that is full of flaws and uncertainty. Sure, most of the time you and your soulmate had each other's names and you'd meet and fall in love and be together forever. But sometimes the marks aren't mutual. Sometimes the name on your wrist is so common that you don't know who your soulmate is. Sometimes you don't fall in love with your soulmate, rather they're just your best friend. It's not always as clear cut as it's supposed to be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not confident in this at all, writing this was like pulling teeth. Hopefully it's not as bad as I feel like it is. I just love Skam so much.
> 
> The title is from [Love Is The Drug](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rr45hyHCiMQ) from The Great Gatsby soundtrack. I'll admit, the addition of The Great Gatsby got me a little carried away. I just love that book and I love the Baz Luhrmann movie. Please click the links I provided when I use the song lyrics later in the fic, especially the Gotye song. Not only is it good, but it fits the scene so well.

Isak knew he was fucked the moment he first saw the boy.

He’d heard about him before of course, the kid was a third year who had just transferred from Elvebakken. Rumor had it that he had ‘Isak Valtersen’ marked on his wrist, and he was not ashamed of it.

Word started getting out the first week of school. Isak wasn’t exactly unpopular, he was a second year now and his previous encounters with the Penetrators last spring gained him some credibility. Vilde even went out of her way to text him asking what his soulmate mark was and if he was gay. Instead of giving her an answer he told her off for spreading rumors, but he knew he probably just made it worse by being so defensive.

Honestly, Isak never really expected to ever find someone who had his name. Especially when he had already found the person whose name was hidden under the thick bracelet that he almost never removed, and it wasn’t mutual. Isak kind of felt like maybe his life would be better if he never found his soulmate. So when this kid, Even Bech Næsheim, suddenly showed up, Isak’s only logical course of action was to do what he does any time he has a problem. Avoid it until it goes away.

Unfortunately, it seemed that everyone in school had a different idea. The entirety of Hartvig Nissens had decided that Isak and Even were definitely meant to be and they were going to do whatever it took to force them together. Including the people Isak thought he could trust the most.

“What if I don’t want to meet him?” Isak asked, aggressively closing his locker. He needed to stop doing that because it’s probably why it got stuck all the time. He turned to look pointedly at his friends all gathered around Jonas’ locker, looking confused.

Magnus was the first to speak up, “Why wouldn’t you want to meet your soulmate?” He sounded genuinely confused.

“You don’t know that he’s _my_ soulmate…” Isak replied, with just a touch of bitterness.

“Well, yeah, of course we don’t.” Mahdi spoke up, gesturing towards Isak’s covered wrist. “No one knows who _your_ soulmate is.”

“Yeah,” Magnus scoffed, “the point is that you’re _his_.”

“There are other Isak Valtersens in the world, I’m sure.” Isak insisted, nervously scratching at his wrist where the mark resided.

“But he just transferred here from another school, that’s _fate_.” Magnus argued earnestly, he always was a secret romantic.

“Or a coincidence.”

Jonas closed his locker loudly enough to end the conversation abruptly. “How about we stop talking about this?”

“Good plan.” Isak agreed, looking gratefully at his best friend, who clearly noticed his discomfort.

“Oh shut up,” Magnus snorted at Jonas, “You’re just mad because your soulmate broke up with you.”

“Dude, what the fuck?” Mahdi exclaimed, slapping the back of Magnus’ head.

“Too far, man.” Isak added, glad to have the attention off of him.

He glanced at Jonas to see if he was actually upset, but the boy was completely closed off. They briefly made eye contact before Jonas turned and started walking towards the exit. The rest of the boys followed suit, someone changed the subject, and all was well again.

* * *

_Isak decided to start hiding the name on his wrist at the beginning of upper secondary school. His father had just uprooted their entire life and moved them to Oslo, forcing Isak into a fresh start for the beginning of his adult life. But in a way, he was almost grateful for it. Tired of the immature boys in the locker room all knowing that he had a boy’s name on his wrist and avoiding him, as if he was some perv. Isak didn’t even like dudes like that, probably._

_The concept of soulmate marks was one that everyone knew well, whether they wanted to or not. The name that was permanently written on your wrist from the day you were born was the name of the person who was supposed to be with you for your entire life. Most of the time in a romantic sense, but it can always be platonic, sometimes even familial bonds were close enough to be soulmate level._

_That’s what Isak kept telling himself every time he saw his mother looking at him with shame in her eyes. He didn’t necessarily need to end up falling in love with this ‘Jonas Noah Vasquez’. The only reason he wasn’t really into girls was probably because he’s a late bloomer or something. Either way, Isak didn’t need everyone at this new school calling him gay, so he decided to invest in some bracelets. It wasn’t all that rare to hide your mark, a lot of people did it. It wasn’t really anyone’s business who his soulmate was anyway…_

_He spent most of the tram ride to school thinking up various excuses to any questions people might ask. But when he got to school, no one cared. Like really, no one cared at all. He expected at least to get some "new kid in school" attention, but no one seemed to have any interest in him. He guessed that was one of the perks of moving to a new town the first year of school._  
  
Even though he sat alone at lunch, he didn't really mind it. No attention was better than negative attention.

* * *

It took until the end of the first week of October for the boy to finally catch Isak. When Isak arrived to school, he found him leaning against his locker, playing with a pair of sunglasses. He stopped in his tracks, all his blood rushing from his limbs, leaving them numb with fear. He’d never seen Even Bech Næsheim before, but he _knew_ that was who this boy was.

 _God_ , he was _pretty_.

The boy finally looked up from his sunglasses and smiled brightly at Isak, the corners of his eyes crinkling with the force of it.

“Isak.” He said breathily, not questioned. He already knew who Isak was, what he looked like, any gossip he could gleam from people who knew him.

Isak cleared his throat, “Could I... get to my locker?” He pointed at the locker in question, which was completely covered by Even’s body.

Even’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment, but then he smiled again. He moved out of the way and gestured with both hands towards the locker, inviting Isak to open it.

Slowly, Isak approached his locker, trying to keep as much space between him and Even as possible. He smelled good, like fancy cologne, not that cheap teenage boy shit. It made Isak a little dizzy as he tried to punch in his combination. Then came the struggle of actually opening the door.

The damn thing had been stuck since the beginning of this year. Isak kept meaning to talk to the school about it, but never got around to it. It’s not like it was even very useful, the lockers were all small as hell. To make matters worse, Even was just standing there, looking down at Isak with a smug, amused expression on his face.

“May I?” Even asked. Isak looked at him, seeing the other boy’s blue eyes roam up and down Isak’s body. His fingers felt numb again.

Then Isak’s feet moved his body without his consent, making room for Even to attempt to open the locker. Even slammed his fist against the door once and it swung open easily. Then he looked at Isak and raised his eyebrows, smirking.

“Oh, be more proud of yourself.” Isak said with an eyeroll, trying to ignore how fast his heart was beating. He looked at his open locker, struggling to remember what he even needed from there.

Around them, the school was starting to fill up, a few people staring at them as they walked past. It was as if they were some romantic comedy movie that the entire school was watching. Isak was wondering when exactly he agreed to all this.

After a few moments, Even spoke up. “I’m Even.”

“Good for you.” Isak replied, shuffling through his bag as if he knew what he was doing. He couldn’t even remember what his first class was when he was half high off Even Bech Næsheim’s fucking cologne.

“You’re my soulmate.” Even pushed on, holding his arm up and pulling down his sleeve to reveal Isak’s name.

His cheeks flushed at the sight. Isak had convinced himself that he’d never get to see his name on someone else’s wrist.

“Sure.” Isak replied, closing his locker and walking away briskly. He let his muscle memory take him to his history classroom, grateful for some fresh air. Or at least, air that didn’t smell like Even.

It took about halfway through class for him to notice he’d left his history textbook in his locker.

* * *

_When Isak met Jonas Noah Vasquez for the first time, he was sitting alone at lunch._

_A pretty girl had approached his table and sat down across from him. He recognized her from a class he had earlier in the day. Her ginger hair was long and when she smiled Isak wished his heart would flutter, that he'd feel butterflies in his stomach, or something. But he felt nothing for her._

_“Are you new here? I haven’t seen you before.”_

_“Uh, yeah.” Isak said, nodding, “My family just moved here this summer.”_

_“Well, at least it was your first year and not like, your third.” She smiled positively, hands curling protectively around her coffee cup. She looked nervously around the room, fixating on one spot over Isak’s shoulder for a few seconds before a boy approached their table and snapped her out of it._

_“Hey,” He said, lightly hitting her shoulder to get her attention. He placed a sandwich in front of her and another on the table where he’d apparently be sitting._

_She smiled up at him as he sat down, “Hey.” She leaned into him and he pressed a chaste kiss to her lips._

_Then he turned to Isak, “Who’s this?”_

_Isak’s heart fluttered. This boy had some wild eyebrows, but they worked for him. His jawline was strong, his eyes dark and intense, his hair looked so soft…_

_Right… he was asking a question._

_“Uh... Isak.”_

_“I’m Eva.” The girl said, then she pointed at the boy, “This is my boyfriend, Jonas.”_

_Butterflies filled Isak's stomach. “Jonas?”_

_“Yeah?” The boy answered, perplexed._

_“Um, nice… nice name.” Isak replied, trying desperately to convince himself that this couldn’t be_ his _Jonas._

_Jonas’ wild eyebrows scrunched together, “Thanks?” He chuckled at the ridiculousness of the situation, looking at Eva who also started laughing. Isak quickly joined, and the situation seemed to sort itself out._

_He watched carefully as Jonas pushed up the sleeves of his hoodie so he could eat. Relieved but also somewhat disappointed when he saw the name ‘Eva Kviig Mohn’ engraved in his tanned skin._

_“Oh, you guys are soulmates?”_

_Eva smiled and nodded at the mention of soulmates. She lifted her own arm to show Isak the exact words that were written on his own wrist._

_‘Jonas Noah Vasquez’_

_What in the fuck… What was so good about this Jonas kid that he got two soulmates? And what was so shitty about Isak that he was the one left out of this equation?_

_Maybe his mom was right._

* * *

Isak managed to avoid having to see Even for the rest of the day. He also managed to avoid any question his friends tried to ask about the taller boy. If Isak was good at anything, it was avoidance.

He was almost home free, just had to hit up the bathroom before he caught the tram back to his flat. He exited the stall only to find the one person he desperately didn’t want to see, washing his hands.

Even smirked up at Isak’s reflection in the mirror, raising his eyebrows. He had a joint tucked behind his ear, like the super cool and smooth guy he clearly was.

Isak pointedly ignored him, moving forward to wash his hands as quickly as possible. He saw Even staring at him out of the corner of his eye, but kept his own gaze firmly on his own hands.

He finally couldn’t ignore the boy anymore when Even started pulling literally every paper towel out of the dispenser. When Isak looked over at him incredulously, he playfully raised his eyebrows once again.

“Oh, did you need paper towels too?”

He grabbed a crumpled up one from the trash can below the dispenser and unfolded it, handing it to Isak. The shorter boy just looked down at it, not really knowing what to do in response.

Then he came to his senses, crumpling up the towel again and shoving it into Even’s chest.

“Leave me alone.” He said, as firmly as he could. But his voice still wavered, betraying him. His chest felt tight as he saw the disappointment flood Even’s pretty face.

Isak almost got out the door but stopped in his tracks when he heard Even speak up, his voice slightly raised.

“Why?! We’re _soulmates_!”

He paused for a moment, considering everything he could say to Even. Then decided to not say anything and keep running away from his problems. But Even clearly had other things in mind, chasing after the boy and grabbing his shoulder.

Isak jerked away from his grip, not daring to turn around and look at the boy.

“You don't even know me.”

“I know your name…” Even said firmly. “I've only spent my whole life obsessing over it, wondering when I’d find you. And now… what? You don't even want me? Figures.”

He whispered the last word, but Isak just barely heard it. He could feel his heart breaking in his chest, finally turning to face Even.

“Look, i-it's not you --”

“Oh, really?” Even asked with a self deprecating laugh. “”It's not you, it's me”? You know, of all cliche lines, that's the one I actually didn't want to hear.”

“No…” Isak protested quietly, trying to figure out a way to fix this situation. For some reason, seeing Even’s pretty face all disheartened was making him physically sick.

Even snorted, “Of course it's me. No one ever wants me. Because I'm…” He trailed off, looking just over Isak’s shoulder. “Whatever. I'll go, get out of your hair then.”

Isak watched as the tall boy turned on his heel and started walking away. He could have just stood there in silence and got exactly what he thought he wanted. But again, his body acted without his own consent. “Wait!”

Even stopped walking and turned slowly to look at Isak, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

“Um, let's… get coffee or something.”

“I don't need a pity date, Isak.” Even replied, narrowing his eyes.

“It's not a pity date! I just…” He scrubbed a hand over his face aggressively, trying to sort out some kind of excuse. Then he decided, fuck it, just tell the truth. “I don't really know… anything, right now. Okay? But you're, like, really pretty and tall and you smell nice and I am very confused.”

Even’s expression slowly morphed from bewildered to amused. “Have you never liked a guy before?”

Isak shrugged his shoulders, trying desperately to shrink into himself. “Kind of… not really. It's a bit complicated. I just, anything involving soulmates is not really my thing. I tend to avoid romance all together, just in general.”

“So…” Even said, moving closer into Isak’s personal space with a smug grin. “I take it you're not gonna show me what's under that bracelet anytime soon?”

Isak rubbed self consciously at the bracelet in question. That section of his arm hadn't seen the light of day in over a year now. He only took the bracelet off to shower, even then, he couldn't bear to look at those three words embossed on his wrist. Too embarrassed by the events that it caused.

“Does it really matter?” Isak asked, defensively. “Is that all I am to you? Some name on your wrist? Do you ever think for yourself? What if you don't even actually like me?”

Even just smiled at the questions. Really wide and genuine, like when he first saw Isak by his locker, eye crinkles and everything. “You know, I think I am going to like you.” He winked and started to walk away backwards, somehow not stumbling. “Meet me at Kaffebrenneriet tomorrow after school?”

Isak’s head nodded without him even noticing, far too focused on watching Even saunter away. What the fuck had he just gotten himself into?

* * *

_Isak’s mother had suffered from a religious based form of OCD that had plagued her for most of her life. She actually started to get better for a bit before he was born. When she saw ‘Jonas Noah Vasquez’ was the name marked on her son’s skin, she relapsed into her worst state yet._

_God was angry with her for letting her guard down, so He punished her with a sinner for a child. Or at least, that’s the only explanation that made sense to her._

_Growing up, Isak never understood why his mother made him pray so much. He felt like it never amounted to anything. Once he lost his favorite toy and he prayed constantly that he would find it and never did. Honestly, if praying really did work, why did they need to do it so much?_

_His father did his best to hold the family together, but even at a young age, Isak could see how constantly tired he was. He at least appreciated that his father didn't share the same contempt for Isak that she did._

_“Pappa?” Isak asked one night after they had spent hours trying to subdue his mother when she'd gone off on a tangent. “Am I really a sinner?”_

_His father sighed wearily, placing an awkward hand on Isak’s back. He was never really good with emotions. “Of course not son. You can't help the way you were born.”_

_“But… mamma…”_

_“She's not in her right mind, Isak. You need to remember that.”_

_Isak looked at his father, but his father just stared ahead blankly._

_“I'm not… you know… like_ that _, just because I have a boy soulmate. Right?”_

_“You aren't anything you don't think you are.” His father replied. “But I love you no matter what. And deep down inside, your mamma does too.”_

_Isak looked down at his lap, blond curls hanging down over his eyes. “Are you sure?”_

_“You're just gonna have to trust me on that, kid.”_

* * *

The coffee date was a little awkward at first, as first dates tend to be. Isak insisted on paying for his own drink because he was _not_ about to be the girl in this situation.

Once they were sat across from each other, they kind of realized they have no idea who the other person even was. But at some point Even got started talking about movies and shortly after, Isak started spiraling.

Even spoke passionately about film, specifically about how music can really enhance the viewing experience. He talked wildly about Baz Luhrmann, who made a name for himself taking old concepts and juxtaposing them with modern music and visuals.

“Have you ever seen Romeo + Juliet?”

Isak faltered, thinking back to his literature class where he could barely pay any attention to the boring film version of the play that the teacher put on so they could have a lazy day. “I hope you're not talking about the movie I watched in class.”

Even chuckled, “Probably not, you would have loved it.” Then he thought for a bit, “You said you like hip hop… have you watched The Get Down on Netflix?”

“Uhh,” Isak vaguely remembered seeing that among the new Netflix series but never actually bothering to check it out. “I don't think so.”

“You _need_ to see it.” Even insisted, “It's a million times better than Stranger Things could ever be.”

Isak gasped in mock offense. “You dare shit talk Stranger Things?”

“It's overrated.” Even scrunched up his nose, adorably, “The best part about it is Winona Ryder, who is a movie legend. Tell me you've seen Heathers.”

Isak half frowned awkwardly, becoming a bit ashamed at all the movies he's never seen.

“No? Beetlejuice?” Even asked, smiling incredulously. “Edward Scissorhands?”

“I've heard of them…” Isak hedged apologetically. “I think I’ve seen parts of Edward Scissorhands… like while it was playing on TV or something.”

Even shook his head in sheer disbelief, sitting back in his chair. “It's a good thing you met me. This is why we're soulmates, so I can educate you in films.”

All the walls that Isak had started to let down immediately went back up at the mention of soulmates. He stiffly took a sip of his hot chocolate, which was actually starting to get cold. How long had he been sitting there listening to Even talk about films? He pressed his finger down on the home button on his phone.

17:34. Almost two hours.

“Holy shit…” He said softly.

“What?”

“Nothing, just…” Isak said, rubbing at his eye awkwardly. “We've been sitting here for like, two hours.”

“Wow…” Even replied, a smug grin on his face. “It's almost as if you like me.”

“Almost.” Isak agreed sarcastically. “I should probably head home.”

“Your parents worried?” Even asked, a seemingly innocuous question. Isak had to remind himself that Even knew nothing at him or his past.

“Sure, if by parents you mean my nosy 21 year old gay godfather.” He snorted, trying to ignore the lump in his chest that formed when he thought about all the unanswered texts from his mom on his phone.

Even narrowed his eyes, clearly curious but deciding whether or not to ask Isak to elaborate. The younger boy was grateful when he decided to let it slide.

“At least let me walk you home?” Even asked, raising his eyebrows hopefully.

Isak sighed, half of him didn't even want this date to be over, because Even was really nice and cute. The other half of him really _needed_ this date to be over, because Even was really nice and cute.

“Okay,”

* * *

_The worst decision Isak ever made was probably getting to know Jonas and Eva instead of avoiding them as soon as he found out Jonas’ full name._

_No, instead he ended up becoming best friends with them._

_Eva quickly latched onto him especially. She told him vaguely about how she had lost her best friend and now everyone at school hated her_ and _Jonas._

_“He doesn't deserve it, Isak.” Eva said tearily to him over Skype on night. “He lost all his friends because of me. And he doesn't even care! I don't deserve him.”_

_Isak wished he could agree. He wished he could say that he deserved Jonas instead. But he saw the way those two interacted with each other, and he'd never seen a soulmate bond so pure._

_The only example of soulmates Isak had ever seen was his parents. Their relationship mostly just seemed like his father putting up with his crazy wife because he felt obligated to since their names were on each other’s wrists. Nothing like the genuine love and affection Eva and Jonas had for each other._

_Isak remembered clearly the day that Eva finally told him the full story about how they met, because their relationship was starting to get rocky and she didn't know why. How she was new in town and made friends with a girl named Ingrid who was dating a boy but he wasn't her soulmate. How Eva met Jonas and they realized that they shared soulmate marks but agreed it was best not to tell Ingrid. How they couldn't help falling for each other even though they were trying to be respectful to Ingrid. How ultimately, they ended up passionately hooking up one night when he volunteered to take her home from a party. How Ingrid had found out through someone else and immediately ostracized the two, spreading rumors throughout the whole school. How she ruined both their first years in secondary school, forcing them to start fresh._

_“I'm really glad you moved here, Isak.” She said sincerely to him, after crying in his arms for a good half hour. “I really feel like I can trust you.”_

_Isak remembered clearly the harsh pressure of guilt weighing on his shoulders while she confided in him._

* * *

“Hey Isak!” Noora said sweetly as she knocked on the doorframe of her old bedroom. It felt like forever since she was packing up the room to move to London with William. Now she didn't know what the future held for her. “Love what you've done with the place.” She gestured to the dirty clothes on the floor and the dumb pictures on the wall.

“Hi,” Isak replied shortly, not exactly wanting to talk to Noora right now. Or ever again really.

She sensed his attitude and bit her lipstick-coated lip awkwardly, slowly entering his room and closing the door.

“I just wanted to say,” She said, talking quietly, no doubt to avoid Eskild hearing. “It's okay if you're gay. No one cares.”

His face flushed. He knew what she was going to say but it still sent a rush of fear through him when she said it. “I'm not.” He replied.

“Isak, I saw you about to kiss that tall boy outside.” She continued, moving closer and closer to his bed. “It's fine, you don't need to lie to me.”

“I'm not _lying_ to you.” Isak insisted. “Look, going on one date with one guy and maybe that guy almost kissing you, doesn't make you gay.” He didn't even believe a word that was coming out of his own mouth.

Noora didn't either. “Of course it doesn't.” She took a delicate seat on the edge of his bed, not really wanting to touch it. She placed her hand on his knee. “Maybe you're bisexual or something.”

He jerked his knee away from her touch, snapping. “Maybe I don't like guys at all.” Guilt immediately washed over him the second he finished speaking. “I'm sorry, I --”

“It's okay, Isak. I get it.” She said, smiling as nicely as possible. “It's none of my business what your sexuality is. I just want you to know that everyone will love you just the same no matter what. And if they don't, then you don't really need them in your life anyway.”

The only thing he could do was nod in response. She seemed satisfied with that, getting up to leave him alone again.

“Noora.” He said just before she reached his door. She turned to look at him. “William is an idiot if he gives up on you.”

She smiled softly, nodding a thanks in return before shutting the door behind her.

Noora was honestly one of the most beautiful girls Isak knew, and he couldn't feel a thing for her. But when Even smiled… it was like everything around them disappeared.

Isak turned over and groaned into his pillow. What was wrong with him?

* * *

_The first thing Isak truly learned about his soulmate Jonas Noah Vasquez, was that he was head over heels in love with Eva._

_Isak was pretty used to only knowing guys who suppressed their emotions. Not only from his father, but just in general at such a young age. Teenage boys tended to act like the only thing they cared about was getting their dicks wet and doing cool things like drinking and smoking weed._

_Jonas was different. He liked to smoke weed and talk for hours about everything. From music, to capitalism, to sex, to IKEA furniture names, and especially to love. Isak’s only job was to sit there and listen. He cherished those hazy days he spent on Jonas’ windowsill, just listening to his soulmate talk. Wishing that Jonas felt that way about him._

_Sometimes he wanted it so desperately, he almost considered praying. Almost._

_Isak was grateful for the weed, simply because it was the perfect excuse to cover up any weird behavior. Was he staring at Jonas’ lips for too long again? Blame it on the weed. Did he bitterly roll his eyes when Jonas brought up Eva,_ again _? Blame it on the weed. How did his fingers end up tangled in Jonas’ thick curls? Blame it on the weed._

_“You can't tell Eva about this.” Jonas had said the first time Isak tried smoking. They were alone in Jonas’ bedroom, sat by the open window to keep the smell out. They didn't know at the time, but it was the beginning of a tradition._

_“Okay?” Isak said, trusting his friend and not really needing an explanation. He felt like he'd known Jonas forever, even though it'd only been a couple weeks. He guessed that's what having a soulmate felt like. Isak coughed as he tried to get used to the sensation of smoke in his lungs._

_“Especially not where we got it from.” Jonas continued, taking a much smoother drag than Isak had. “I'm serious man, she can't know that I was talking to Ingrid.”_

_“It's fine, dude.” Isak insisted, “I won't tell her. I promise.”_

_Jonas was silent for a bit, the two of them just looking at each other while the joint between Jonas’ fingers slowly burned. Isak thought for a brief moment that maybe this was it. When they'd kiss and Jonas would realize that he wasn't straight or totally in love with Eva._

_“It's our little secret.” Jonas said finally, winking cheekily at Isak. The two burst into giggles._

_“Let's get some fucking chips.” Isak said once his laughter had died down. Not today then, but maybe one day._

* * *

Even was lounging against Isak’s locker again the next morning. Isak didn't really know why he got his hopes up that he'd actually be able to avoid the other boy somehow. Clearly, he didn't give up easily.

“Hey,” He said casually as Isak approached. As if this was already something normal and domestic for them.

“Hello.” Isak replied, entering in his combination and then slamming his fist against his locker door. Like when Even did the other day, it swung open easily. He furrowed his eyebrows at his open locker.

“You going to the Halloween party tomorrow?” Even asked, knocking Isak out of his staring contest with his locker.

Isak grimaced as he pulled his history textbook from his locker, “Not really my thing.” He honestly didn't care much for parties, usually only going to keep up appearances and not get lectured by Vilde about his social life. He usually ended up just hanging out with Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus in some separate room in the house. Plus a Halloween party meant he was gonna have to come up with some kind of costume.

“Maybe instead you could hang out with me.” Even suggested smoothly, raising his eyebrows. “I've got a full cabinet full of DVDs with your name on it.”

“You know, you should really give the eyebrows a rest.” Isak said, closing his locker to punctuate his sentence.

“So, you'll think about it?”

Isak didn't answer, instead just walking away. He wished he didn't already know he was probably going to end up hanging out with Even tomorrow anyway.

* * *

_“Does he text her, Isak?” Eva inquired feverously over Skype. She looked and sounded desperate. “I need to know. Please tell me, does he talk to Ingrid?”_

_There was a small selfish side of Isak that kept thinking about his soulmate. Why did Eva get to have Jonas and not him? He at least deserved a chance. But he was never going to get that as long as Jonas was so in love with her._

_“Yes.” He said, his heart speeding up with the rush of his lie. It wasn’t really a lie though, he told himself. They did text, just not about what Eva thought they did._

_“I_ knew _it.” She said, her voice cracking. “I knew it was too good to be true when he left her for me.”_

_“Don’t…” Isak said, his chest tightening at the sound of her crying. She was still his friend, even if he was kind of being a dick to her. “Don’t say that, Eva. You guys are soulmates.”_

_“There’s plenty of soulmates out there that just remain friends.” She insisted, wiping at her tears as if they were going to stop any time soon. “I should have known better than to think we’d fall in love. He was with Ingrid for years before he met me.”_

_“Eva.” Isak said, trying to steady his shaking voice. “You and Jonas are one of the best couples I know.” Sadly, that was 100% honesty. “Don’t let this get to you.”_

_She pressed her lips together in some twisted attempt at a smile. “Thank you Isak. I’ll try…”_

_Part of him really wanted her to._

* * *

“The only thing I never liked about this movie was them not making Nick gay.” Even commented, nodding towards the TV in Isak’s bedroom, where Tobey Maguire was whispering frantically to Leonardo DiCaprio in a CGI hedge maze. “He was totally in love with Gatsby and that’s what makes the story so profound.”

Isak scoffed, “What do you mean? He’s with that chick.” The dark haired one, he couldn’t remember her name.

They were sat on the floor, backs resting against the end of Isak’s bed. Their thighs and shoulders were barely touching, Isak could feel Even’s body shake when he laughed at Isak’s comment.

“Jordan? She was a lesbian.”

“You’re just one of those people that thinks everyone is gay just because you are.” Isak said, crossing his arms. He kind of regretted saying it immediately after.

But Even just scoffed playfully. “One, I’m bisexual, not gay. And two, if you actually payed attention to the book when you read it in class, you’d see the blatant homosexual subtext.”

“I haven’t read the book in class.” Isak grumbled in response.

Even smirked, “Ah, I forgot how young you are.”

“I’m _one year_ younger than you.” Isak said, rolling his eyes.

“Actually, two, I was born in ‘97.” Even replied, not elaborating any further on the topic, instead continuing on about homosexual subtext. “Anyway, in the book Nick literally has sex with a dude, after that party in the beginning with Tom's mistress. It just wasn’t in the movie.”

“How is him “literally having sex with another dude” subtext?” Isak asked, bringing his hands up to make physical air quotes around his words.

Even laughed, “He just leaves the party drunk with another guy and wakes up the next morning and they’re both in their underwear. It’s _heavily_ implied.”

Isak squinted, reassessing the previous two hours of film he just watched. “If he’s so in love with Gatsby, why did he fuck some random dude?”

“Well, it’s not like Gatsby loved him back.” Even said, gesturing towards the movie where Gatsby was talking about all the things he did for Daisy’s love to prove his point.

Isak watched in silence for a while, as Nick and Gatsby waited for Daisy’s call and Daisy got ready to move on to a new life.

“I don’t get why Nick would help him get with Daisy if he was in love with him.”

“Because like, that’s just how in love with him he is.” Even explained, “He doesn’t even care that he won’t ever get to be with him. He just wants him to be happy.”

Isak felt his heart drop into his stomach.

Minutes later, Nick was telling Gatsby, “They’re a rotten crowd. You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.” and Isak finally understood it. He bit his lip as Nick’s inner monologue went on to say, “I was always glad I said that…”

Even looked over at him knowingly.

“Oh shut up.” Isak replied, he knew what was coming and he really needed to stop the tears welling up in his eyes. Ultimately, he couldn’t stop himself when Gatsby fell into the pool, gunshot wound bleeding into the water, almost beautifully.

“Ooh,” Even groaned excitedly when the camera closed in on Nick’s voice coming from Gatsby’s phone. “The way he died thinking that Daisy was calling when it was really Nick. Because all along Nick was the one who really loved him when Daisy never could.”

Isak tried to subtly wipe the tear running down his face, but Even just smirked at him again, with tears in his own eyes. He wrapped an arm around Isak, playfully jostling the younger boy.

“The big tough man is secretly a softie who cries at movies, isn’t he?”

Isak couldn’t help but smile at Even’s teasing, for some reason not really caring that he looked weak for once. He’d known Even for only a few days, but for some reason he trusted him. He hadn’t trusted anyone that quickly since… Jonas. Huh.

Even didn’t move his arm from where it was resting on Isak’s shoulders. They watched quietly as Nick Carraway slowly went insane over the death of the man he loved. They continued watching quietly as the end credits began, both processing the two and a half hour event.

Then, as [Gotye](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpN1j8R5lZ8) started to play, Isak boldly turned to look at the boy next to him. Even met his gaze instantly, looking into Isak’s eyes as if he could see his soul.

 _“Pick apart_  
_The pieces of your heart,_  
_And let me peer inside._  
_Let me in.”_

It was almost too much, between the intense eye contact and the end credit music. Even finally broke it to look down briefly at Isak’s lips. He tightened his hand around Isak’s shoulder, nudging his head ever so slightly so their foreheads touched.

 _“You don't get burned._  
_('Cause nothing gets through)_  
_It makes it easier,_  
_(Easier on you)_  
_But that much more difficult for me_  
_To make you see…”_

Their faces slowly got closer and closer, until Isak’s nose was squished up against Even’s. He could hardly breathe, dizzy with the scent of Even and the surreal sound of the music.

 _“Love ain't fair._  
_So there you are,_  
_My love.”_

Isak realized that Even was waiting for him to make the final move, he could either back away or close that gap between them. He brought up his hand to rest on Even’s cheek and, as if on cue, their lips connected just as the music flourished.

 _“Your heart's a mess._ _  
_ _You won't admit to it.”_

Isak’s heart felt like it was going to explode. His cheeks were burning and he could feel his dick stirring in his pants, just from a kiss. He’d kissed plenty of girls, and it’d never felt that good. He’d never felt that same amount of passion, not even close.

 _“It makes no sense_  
_But I'm desperate to connect._  
_You can't live like this.”_

They broke apart for a second, looking at each other and trying to catch their breath. Isak thought for a moment about the name on his wrist. Deciding ultimately that he deserved to be selfish, and pushed Even's chest until he was laying flat on the floor. Then he moved to straddle Even, placing his knees on either side of his hips. Because fuck it, right? If he’s gonna do the gay thing, he might as well go all or nothing.

 _“Love ain't safe._  
_You won't get hurt if you stay chaste._  
_So you can wait,_  
_But I don't wanna waste my love.”_

* * *

_Isak could tell that something was on Jonas’ mind the moment he arrived at the Vasquez house, but he just waited patiently for him to be ready to talk. It happened halfway through a pretty heated game of FIFA._

_“Eva doesn’t trust me.” He said bluntly, pressing the appropriate buttons to send his player down the field towards the goal._

_Isak messed up several times, allowing Jonas to score a point. “Okay, that’s cheating.”_

_“Yeah?” Jonas asked, a smile on his face despite the current conversation topic._

_“Yeah.” Isak agreed. He smiled back at his soulmate, feeling almost… hopeful. Maybe this all would work out in his favor after all. “You can’t suddenly drop a bomb on me like that right before you go for a goal.”_

_“Oh sorry,” Jonas snarked, continuing the game easily. “But seriously, has she said anything to you?”_

_“No.” Isak lied easily, “What makes you think she doesn’t trust you?”_

_“She’s always harping about wanting to look at my phone.” Isak could practically hear him roll his eyes. “And I wish I could just let her look at it, because I’m not hiding anything. Except like, the pot.”_

_“Oh yeah, no big deal. Just some casual drugs.”_

_Jonas took his hand off his controller for only a second to hit Isak’s shoulder playfully. “It really isn’t that big a deal. I just know she’ll make it one. Especially since Ingrid’s brother is giving it to me.”_

_“What are you gonna do?”_

_“I don’t fucking know, dude.” Jonas said, cursing when Isak almost scored on him, then cheering when he blocked it. “I might just have to have a talk with her or something. Maybe I should just tell her about everything.”_

_“Yeah.” Maybe she’ll be so mad about the weed that she’ll break up with him. “Honesty is the best policy and all that shit.”_

_“Yeah, and all that shit.” Jonas repeated. “Ooh! Suck my dick!” He shouted, as he scored yet another goal._

* * *

The first thing Isak noticed when he woke up was that his wrist felt wrong. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at the name imprinted on his skin. He could see the tan lines that the bracelet had left, his pale skin almost making the letters more stark in comparison. Where was his bracelet?

It wasn’t unusual for it to get unclasped while he slept. He tended to be a very active sleeper, tossing and turning and whatnot. It certainly wasn’t the first time he’d woken up without the bracelet on.

Then he noticed the warmth next to him. Even.

Oh fuck.

He rolled around to face the taller boy, careful to keep his wrist under the blanket.

“I already saw it.” Even said, fiercely. His eyes were almost flaming, pupils dilated to the point where Isak could barely tell they were even blue. He sat up quickly and started gathering up his clothes and DVDs aggressively.

“Even…” Isak said, not knowing how to continue. What could he possibly say to fix this?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Even asked, his voice angrier than Isak ever thought possible. He was normally such a calm, peaceful guy.

“I… I tried to warn you.”

“You didn’t try hard enough!” Even replied, pacing around Isak’s room, looking for his shirt. Isak remembered that he’d thrown it somewhere in the heat of the previous night. “I thought you were being coy and playing hard to get or something! Not that I was being a complete idiot in even thinking that you were my soulmate.”

“Hey… I _am_ your soulmate.” Isak said, feeling almost offended.

“There are other Isak Valtersens in the world. Probably one that actually has my name on his wrist.” Even voice cracked with desperation as he continued looking everywhere for his shirt. He started muttering to himself. “Of fucking course _this_ would happen to me. The one time…”

Isak stood up hesitantly, not really knowing how to deal with Even’s erratic behavior. He placed a hand on Even’s arm, trying to get him to stop pacing for one second. He could practically feel the blood coursing through Even’s veins.

“Please, talk to me.” He insisted, remembering all the times his dad had to talk his mother down.

“I don’t _want_ to talk to you.” Even said. “I just want to find my shirt and _leave_.”

“Even,” Isak replied softly, reaching a hand out to try to touch his face. But Even backed several steps away.

“No, you don’t get to… no. The one time. The one person who was supposed to love me was my soulmate and now he doesn’t even have my name on his wrist?” Isak could see the tears forming in his eyes, but he was completely helpless. “I guess I’m just too fucked up to deserve anyone.”

“What… what are you talking about, Even?” Isak couldn’t even think straight, his mind was racing trying to understand what was going on.

“It doesn’t even matter now.” Even replied. He finally spotted his shirt draped over the TV and wondered how he didn’t notice it before. Hastily, he put it on and grabbed his haphazardly packed bag. “You never even wanted this in the first place. Now you’re getting what you want. Go back to _Jonas_.”

Isak just watched as Even exited his bedroom, slamming both his door, and the front door behind him. He stood there for several minutes before Eskild came knocking asking what the hell was going on.

He wished he knew the answer.

* * *

_Isak could tell that Eva was up to something when she texted him asking him to meet her for coffee. Both her and Jonas seemed to have that lack of subtlety in common._

_“What’s up?” He asked as soon as he took the empty seat in front of her._

_“Nothing!” She answered, pushing forward an iced coffee. “I got you a drink.”_

_He narrowed his eyes at her, taking a sip of the drink. It was gross, as he usually thought coffee was._

_Eva laughed when he made a face. “I tried to put enough sugar in it for you.”_

_“There's not enough sugar in the world.” He teased back, drinking the coffee anyway. They sat in a comfortable silence while he waited for her to just say what was on her mind._

_“What were you doing on Friday?” She finally asked._

_He shrugged, “Nothing.” Isak lied easily, he and Jonas had been hanging at Ingrid’s house with her brother. The dude never wanted to just give them the stuff, he always insisted that they stay and chill with him. Isak hated having his private time with Jonas ruined._

_“Oh…” Eva replied, clearly not the answer she wanted. She continued fishing. “Did you see Jonas?”_

_“I don’t think so.” He said, “It was my mamma’s birthday, so.”_

_“That’s nice.” A fake smile spread across her face. She took a deep breath, placing her head in her hands. “I think Jonas was with Ingrid on Friday.”_

_Finally. “Why do you think that?”_

_“I called him and I heard her voice in the background over the phone.”_

_“Are you sure it was her?” Isak asked, knowingly fueling her flames._

_“Of course I know!” Eva exclaimed. “I_ know _her voice, Isak!”_

_“Well, what are you gonna do about it?”_

_She started talking about a million different possibilities and Isak just drank his gross coffee, watching as she sabotaged her own relationship. For a moment, he felt a pang of guilt. But honestly, maybe he was just enabling the inevitable. If Eva and Jonas were really soulmates, they’d stay together no matter what, right? But if they aren’t, then they’d end up breaking up no matter what. Maybe Isak was just making it easier for Jonas to realize that he could love Isak instead._

_“Isak? Hello?” Eva was saying, “What do you think I should do?”_

_He shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts. “Uh, maybe you should talk to Ingrid? She what she has to say.”_

_“Yeah… that’s a good idea, Isak!”_

_It really wasn’t, Ingrid would never have anything good to say. Obviously, because she wanted Eva and Jonas to break up almost as much as Isak did. But Eva could make her own terrible decisions._

* * *

Before Isak knew it, a week passed, and he spent the entire time in a daze. He couldn’t sleep at night, plagued with unanswered questions.

Was Even okay? What had been wrong with him that day? Was _Isak_ okay? Did he really like Even, even though he wasn’t his soulmate? And most important, where the fuck was Even and why wasn’t he showing up to school?

Isak supposed he could text the boy, but he really just wanted to talk face to face. It was too serious of a discussion to have via text.

“I swear, she had a cat tongue!” Magnus was rambling on about some bullshit and Isak honestly, couldn’t take it anymore.

“Can you cut the shit for once, dude? Everyone knows you’ve never even kissed a girl, let alone hooked up with one.”

“Whoa!” Mahdi exclaimed.

“Dude…” Magnus replied, betrayed.

Isak immediately regretted snapping at his friend. “I’m sorry, I’m just so fucked right now.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Magnus scoffed, “You look like you haven’t slept in a week.”

He wasn’t wrong. “I think I’m just gonna… go to the nurse or something. See if I can get her to send me home.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Jonas asked, he was clearly going to come no matter what Isak said.

“I guess, if you want.” Isak responded, grabbing his phone off the table and shoving it into his jeans, but not before checking it to see if there was a text from Even. Which, of course, there wasn’t. “I’ll see you guys later, I guess.”

“Later, man,” Magnus agreed. “Get some sleep.”

He and Jonas walked in a comfortable silence out of the cafeteria and towards the nurse’s office. Once they were completely alone, Jonas spoke up.

“Hey,” His voice was aggressively gentle as he grabbed Isak’s arm to stop him in his place. “you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“Yeah, dude.” Isak nodded, feeling intimidated by Jonas’ intense gaze. He didn’t really want to get deep into a discussion about his problems with anyone.

Jonas hesitated a moment, “I’m your soulmate, you know. I care about you.”

The usually avoided acknowledging that fact at all costs. Mainly because it was a little sad that Jonas was Isak’s soulmate and Isak wasn’t Jonas’. But also because Isak would do anything to take back all this shit he did last year. That’s why he continued covering his mark. It was just all around an awkward situation.

“I know, Jonas.” Isak replied, smiling softly at his best friend. He allowed himself to be pulled into a hug, taking in Jonas’ scent and just wishing that it was Even’s instead.

He guessed that was the answer to at least one of his questions.

* * *

_“I broke up with Eva.” Jonas confessed, his dark eyes welling up with tears. Pot always made him extra emotional._

_They were sat together on Jonas’ windowsill, which was quickly becoming Isak’s favorite place in the world, sharing a blunt. The other boy had been uncharacteristically quiet before he decided to finally tell Isak what was plaguing his mind._

_“Oh?” Isak said, trying not to sound too excited. Between the high from the drugs and this good news, he felt like giggling, but he refrained. “Why?”_

_“She sent me a bunch of texts freaking out saying that I was cheating on her with Ingrid.” Jonas explained, wiping the tears out of his eyes. “Why should I want to date someone who doesn’t even trust me?”_

_She kind of had a reason not to trust Jonas, he was lying to her. Just not about what she thought. But Isak didn’t say that, instead he bit his lip, looking down at his covered up wrist. Maybe…_

_“Hey, can I tell you something?” He asked, his heart pounding in his chest._

_Jonas looked up at him, bemused. “Um, sure? You can tell me anything, buddy.”_

_“My soulmate… do you want to know who it is?” His fingers danced along the clasp holding the bracelet around his wrist. He saw Jonas’ eyes light up with curiosity._

_“Seriously? You’ll tell me?” His friend asked excitedly. Jonas knew how secretive Isak was about his mark, though he never got an explanation for it._

_“Um, yeah.” Isak replied, nervously. “If you want.”_

_“Of course I want, dude!” Jonas was happy that his best friend had finally decided to share such a huge part of himself with him. He almost forgot about all his own soulmate drama._

_“I, um… the reason that I hide it from everyone,” Isak started, wanting to gauge Jonas’ reaction to it being a boy before he jumped right into telling him it was him. “is because… It’s a boy’s name.”_

_“That’s cool, man.” Jonas didn’t even blink an eye. “Who is he? Do you know him?”_

_“Um, yeah, pretty well, actually.” Isak said with a chuckle. The joint was now sitting untouched in the makeshift ashtray mug that was between them, a single stream of smoke coming from it._

_“…Well?” Jonas asked after a while. “Have you been dating some guy behind my back?”_

_“No, no, nothing like that. He doesn’t even know.”_

_“Why haven’t you told him?”_

_Isak grabbed the joint suddenly, taking a deep drag to give himself some courage. He could always blame the weed later if this turned out to be a stupid decision. He unclasped the bracelet and let it fall off his wrist, then presented the mark to Jonas._

_“Oh.” Jonas said, his thick eyebrows furrowing as he processed the sight of his own name on a wrist other than Eva’s. “_ Oh _.” He repeated._

 _“What, uh… what do you think about that?” Isak asked, desperate for Jonas to say_ anything _._

_“I, um, wow.” Jonas stuck his head out the window, taking a couple deep breaths of the fresh air. “I’m just not gay, is all.”_

_Isak could feel his heart cracking in half. “Yeah, I’m not either.”_

_“Right.” Jonas agreed, sounding like he believed Isak about as much as Isak believed himself._

_“I just… thought you would want to know…” Isak continued, now regretting telling Jonas this while he was high. His mind was foggy and he could barely remember any of his usual lies._

_“Hey,” Jonas said softly, placing his hand over Isak’s own. He could tell the blond boy was freaking out. “Thanks for telling me.”_

_Isak stared at his hand, now freaking out more instead of calming down. He loved the contrast of Jonas’ darker skin next to his own, it was mesmerizing. He didn’t even notice that Jonas was scootching closer to him until his best friend was right next to him._

_Jonas smelled like smoke, generic teenage boy deodorant, and the Funyuns they had eaten earlier. His lips were chapped when they pressed hesitantly against Isak’s own._

_Isak felt nothing._

_Aren’t you supposed to feel something when you finally kiss your one true love? Fireworks? Sparks? Anything? He just felt uncomfortable._

_They broke apart and started laughing awkwardly._

_“Was that as bad for you as it was for me?” Jonas asked._

_Isak nodded, and for once, he wasn’t lying._

* * *

Eskild all but squealed when Isak approached him in the kitchen asking, “Can we talk?”

“You want to talk to _me_?”

Isak rolled his eyes fondly, nodding.

“Because you love and respect me, your fairy godmother? Your guru?”

“Alright, fuck it.” Isak said, if Eskild was only going to tease him, maybe he’d go find Noora or something.

“No!” Eskild yelled after him, “Okay, I’m sorry. Fire away.”

“Right so… you know that guy that stormed out of here about a week ago?”

Eskild nodded, “He was _very_ tall.”

“Yeah, well he’s _very_ pissed at me.”

“What did you do, Isak?” He gasped dramatically, “You innocent, tiny kitten.”

He ignored the last part and pressed on, “Well. I’m his soulmate… but he’s not mine.”

“Oh?” Eskild asked curiously. Isak knew it’d probably been killing him for months not being able to see the name hidden on his wrist.

“And he found out and got really mad. But the thing is… I don’t like my soulmate romantically. Like I’ve met h -- them. And it wasn’t, we don’t like each other.”

Eskild narrowed his eyes at Isak’s words stumbling over each other, but decided not to press his luck. “But you like the other guy like that?”

“I mean… I think so…” Isak slouched down against the wall, trying to somehow make himself smaller. As if he could disappear and not have to deal with his problems or admit things he was scared to admit.

“Isak, I would kill to meet my soulmate.” Eskild started, flashing his wrist where ‘David Olsen’ was written. “Every time I go to meet someone on Grindr, I think, “What if it’s him?” and it never is. And it fucking sucks. So the idea of actually finally meeting the guy, and he has some other name written on his wrist instead of mine? That’s crushing. I kind of get where he’s coming from.”

Isak looked down at his feet, not daring to see what kind of expression Eskild had on his face. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting Even. Especially over something he had no control over. He didn’t _ask_ for Jonas to be his soulmate.

“But,” Eskild continued, trying to sound a bit happier. “If you really like the guy, you’re just gonna need to show him the old fashioned way. You know, there was a time in history before soulmate marks existed and people had to just date around until they found someone they liked.”

“How do I show him?”

“Have you talked to him?”

Isak shook his head, “No, he’s not showing up for school.”

“Do you have his number?”

“I don’t really want to text him about it.”

“Maybe shoot him a text so he knows you want to talk. He probably thinks you want nothing to do with him and you’d rather be with whoever your soulmate is. You need to reassure him.”

That… made sense, actually.

“That’s actually good advice, Eskild.”

“Thanks!” Eskild replied, but then realized what Isak said. “Hey, wait, I always give good advice! I’m your _guru_ , Isak.”

“You’re my guru.” Isak reaffirmed sarcastically. Eskild reached over and shoved his shoulder in response.

* * *

_His father leaving was the last straw for Isak. Between his crazy mother, his best friends fighting, his soulmate not really being his soulmate, and his confusion about his own sexuality, he couldn’t take it anymore. His father expected him to take care of his mother alone, while he ran off with his little sister and his new girlfriend?_

_“Asshole,” Isak muttered into his beer._

_He didn’t really know where he was going when he snuck out that night, he just needed to be anywhere but home. Preferably somewhere with alcohol. So maybe he kind of knew he was walking towards the only gay bar in Oslo when he left. He couldn’t really be held accountable for his own actions as he was distraught._

_“Hello, ‘isakyaki’” A playful voice said, taking a seat next to Isak at the bar. He hadn’t been the first man to approach Isak that night. He was, however, the first person to know who Isak was._

_The blond boy felt his heart drop as he turned to look at the guy. He had a friendly smile, and an ear piercing. Was that the gay ear? “Who are you?”_

_“Your gay guardian angel, sent from above. Your fairy godmother. Your gay lifestyle guru.” He snarked, “Take your pick.”_

_“I’m sorry?” Isak was confused, had he met this man before? Talking to someone else made Isak suddenly aware of how drunk he was._

_“Do you know Noora Sætre?” Isak nodded, remembering Eva’s friend with the red lips and the short blonde hair, “I live with her. I’m Eskild.”_

_“Oh…” So Isak wasn’t about to get kidnapped and murdered. Probably. “Has she talked about me?”_

_“No but, your friend Eva has.” Eskild explained, “Or rather, she mentioned that some people in school thought you were gay and I did some investigating. And now I have my answer.” He smirked._

_“I’m not… I didn’t even know this was a gay bar.” Isak insisted._

_Eskild laughed, gesturing around them, “You didn’t notice the half naked dudes everywhere? Or all the guys hooking up with each other? Did you not make it to the glory hole stall in the bathroom?”_

_“Look, I just… needed to get away. And this was the closest place to my house.” That was a total lie, he’d walked almost two miles to get to this place. The opposite direction of several real bars and clubs that could have sufficed._

_“What were you running from? Tell your fairy godmother.” Eskild teased as if they already knew each other and Isak’s inhibitions were practically nonexistent with the more alcohol he consumed._

_“My pappa just left me all alone with my crazy mamma. I accidentally ruined my best friends’ relationship because I thought I wanted to date one of them. I thought I was in love with my soulmate but I don’t think I am. And I thought I wasn’t straight because I’ve never been into kissing girls, but I kissed a boy and it felt just as boring. But I don’t get it because I’m still attracted to him, so why did kissing him feel so wrong? I don’t know anything and I can’t go home right now because my mamma is insane and I can’t deal with her all by myself. I can’t deal with mentally ill people in my life. I just want everything to go away, why is everything so complicated?”_

_“Do you want to get out of here?” Eskild asked simply in response._

_“Look, you’re nice and cute and all, but honestly, I’m not in anyway at that level of acceptance yet.”_

_Eskild rolled his eyes, “Not like that, silly. I just mean, do you want to come back to my place so we can talk and you can get some peace and quiet? You can stay as long as you like.”_

_“As long as I like, huh?”_

_“Okay, well, with limitations. Unless you want to start paying rent.”_

__“I think I’ll take you up on that.”__

* * *

**Hey Even. I just want you to know that I’m not done with us yet.** **Tell me when you’re free so we can talk. Give me a chance.**

 **We only said[goodbye](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxQWckbhVTU) with words** **  
** **I died a hundred times** **  
** **You go back to her** **  
** **And I go back to black**

Isak stared at the text. After two days of waiting, he finally got a response from Even, and it was song lyrics. What the fuck did that even mean? Did he want Isak to go back to Jonas? He didn’t realize that he was never with Jonas to begin with. If he would just let Isak fucking explain…

Frustrated, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He opened his Facebook messenger app and sent a message to Vilde, the only possible person he could think of to help him.

Luckily, she answered quickly.

**Hey you know that third year Even?**

**Yes? What about him?**

**Does he like me?**

**No, I was just wondering if you by chance knew where he lived. Or anyone who would know?**

**Why do you need to know?**

**It’s not really any of your business Vilde.**

**How can you ask me to do you a favor and you won’t even tell me why?**

He should have known better. Of course, asking the most nosy person in school a nosy question would get him a nosy response. Isak was about ready to just give up on the whole visiting Even's house plan, when his phone buzzed.

**Anders from 3STB says he knows where he lives**

Attached was a link to the location on Google Maps.

**Thanks Vilde!**

Very rarely she comes through for him, so at least he caught her at a good time. Then 15 minutes on a tram and 15 minutes walking found himself in front of some random house that he couldn’t even be for sure was Even’s. Why did he think this was a good idea again?

He already came that far though, so he might as well knock on the door.

A very pretty girl with short blonde hair answered, looking tired and confused. “Yes?”

“Um, does, uh, Even live here?”

The girl immediately got defensive, crossing her arms and standing as tall as she could, as if she was physically blocking the doorway. “Who wants to know?”

“I’m his soulmate.” Isak replied, trying not to be as rude to her and she was being to him.

He saw a flicker of vulnerability in her face, “Isak?”

“That’s me.”

“You can’t see him.” She insisted.

He frowned, “And why not?”

“Because I said so.”

“Who are you to decide what Even does?”

“I’m his girl -- I’m, I’m his best friend.”

Isak could see the pain in her eyes as she corrected herself. He sighed, “Can’t you just let me talk to him. I… think I really like him.”

“I really can’t.” She said, her voice softening. “He’s in a state right now.”

“What do you mean?” Isak could feel his heart thumping in his chest. This girl was about to confirm his biggest fear, he knew it.

“He’s bipolar and he’s coming down from an episode.” She said, clinically. “I don’t think you should hang around him. You cause him too much stress, he doesn’t need that.”

Then Isak noticed her wrist. It was completely bare, which was something you don’t normally see on people their age. It either meant your soulmate wasn’t born yet, or they were dead. Suddenly, the pain in her eyes seemed that much deeper.

“Please tell him I came.” Isak implored. “I need him to know I care. I want to talk to him, he doesn’t know the full story.”

“Fine.” She agreed reluctantly. “But don’t come back here.”

“I won’t unless he asks.”

They stared at each other, each waiting for the other to say something different. Isak finally decided to take the loss and leave. Hopefully she wasn’t lying and she would tell Even he came and he would text Isak.

Things _had_ to work out, because this was fate.

* * *

_“You… what?” Eva asked, trying to wrap her head around was Isak was telling her._

_“Jonas is my soulmate too. And I thought I liked him, so I kind of sabotaged your relationship.” He elaborated, feeling guiltier and guiltier with every word that exited his mouth. “But now I’m realizing that I don’t and I shouldn’t have tried to ruin such a good thing.”_

_“But… I don’t understand.” She said, crossing her arms across her chest. She felt almost violated, first she can’t trust her boyfriend and now she can’t trust her best friend either?_

_“I let you think that Jonas was cheating on you with Ingrid, when I should have told you that there’s no way he’d ever cheat on you. He never shuts up about you, Eva. I’ve never seen a boy so in love.”_

_“But that doesn’t explain why he was being so shifty then.”_

_“That’s something you’re gonna have to ask him about. But I can promise you, he wasn’t cheating on you.”_

_Eva sat back in her seat, sipping the coffee he’d bought her. Had he invited her to this coffeeshop so she wouldn’t make a scene? She almost wanted to just to spite him._

_“I feel like I don’t even know who you are, Isak.”_

_“I understand, you have every right to be mad.” He replied, sighing._

_Eva shook her head, “No, but like, you_ don’t _understand how crazy this all sounds to me.”_

_“Thinking back on it now, I realize how much of a piece of shit I was to you.” He said, and it was true. He’d never been so conniving and manipulative in his life, he didn’t know what had come over him. “You have to believe that I didn’t want to hurt you.”_

_“I_ can’t _believe that, Isak!” Her raised voice attracted the attention of a couple customers in the shop. She bit her lip, and decided to try to collect herself. “I feel like I can’t even look at you.”_

_“You can be mad at me, but please don’t be mad at Jonas.” Isak insisted. “You guys are soulmates. The fact that I also have his name is irrelevant. I should have never been involved.”_

_She stayed silent, no longer letting Isak hear her thought process. He wondered if she’d ever trust him again._

_Probably not._

* * *

“Isak,” Eskild singsongy voice came from outside his door.

“Go away, Eskild. I don’t want to talk.” Isak replied harshly. The older man had been trying for days to get Isak to tell him what happened when he visited Even. Isak didn’t really feel like recounting his failure to be romantic and spontaneous to anyone. Especially when Even never ended up texting him or anything.

“You have a visitor…” Eskild continued.

Isak groaned, pausing his single player game of FIFA, it was causing him more stress than relief anyway. “Is it Jonas? Tell him to leave, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t care who they are.”

“It’s some tall, pretty boy named Even.”

Isak felt all the blood leave his limbs, his fingers and toes going numb. Even still had that effect on him. He stood up and walked hesitantly to his door, unlocking it. He opened it slowly, revealing a very tired looking Even with a very excited Eskild behind him.

“Hello.” Isak said.

“Hello.” Even replied, his voice cracking from disuse.

Isak stepped away from his door, inviting Even inside. He glared at Eskild until the man rolled his eyes and walked away, giving the two boys some privacy.

When Isak turned back around, Even was stood awkwardly in the middle of his room, looking around as if he’d never been in there before.

“I’m glad you came,” Isak started, taking a cautious step towards the boy. He’d been doing some reading on bipolar disorder and he knew that Even was definitely still in a depressive state. He didn’t want to do anything that would freak him out.

“How did you find where I live?” Even wondered out loud, picking up a small portable speaker from Isak’s shelf and running his fingers over it.

“I um, asked Vilde, who apparently got the info from Anders in your grade.”

Even nodded solemnly, “I bought pot for him once and he had to come pick it up.”

“Even, Jonas isn’t my soulmate.” Isak blurted out, then shook his head. “I mean, he is, but, I don’t like him like that. And he doesn’t like me. I’m not even his soulmate. It’s all very complicated but we sorted it out last year after a whole bunch of shit. He’s my best friend, that’s all.”

Even just nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off the speaker in his hands.

Isak took that as his cue to continue. “I want you.”

“But… why would anyone willingly choose me?” Even replied, almost so softly that Isak didn’t hear him. “I was always grateful for the soulmate system because it meant that there was bound to be one person who would put up with all my crazy.” His hands tightened around the speaker, his knuckles turning white with the force. “But you don’t even have my name. You’re not obligated to choose me, why would you?”

Isak stepped closer, pulling the speaker out of Even’s grip and placing it back on the shelf. He placed his hand on Even’s face, guiding the taller boy to look at him. “You deserve better than someone who just sticks with you because of a soulmate obligation.”

“Do I?” Even whispered.

“Yes.” Isak said firmly. He lowered his hand from Even's face to his shoulder, pulling the taller boy into a tight hug. 

His heart soared when he felt Even's hands wrap around his waist in reciprocation. 

* * *

_With spring came both Isak and Eva trying to get over Jonas. In slightly different ways._

_Even with the realization that Isak and Jonas were never going to date, it was still hard to stop himself from having a bit of a crush on his best friend. Isak couldn’t help himself, he was cute and smart. But he knew better than to try to push something that just wasn’t there._

_Eva decided to stay broken up with Jonas after all. Apparently, she’d come to the conclusion that she was too dependent on him and what he thought of her. So she decided that they should take a break and maybe see some other people, though they’d obviously get back together in the end._

_“She’s got a point, bro.” Isak said when Jonas explained the whole situation to him. Part of him wanted to comfort his soulmate, but he thought maybe some harsh truth was in order. “Besides, you’re going to get back together eventually, you_ are _soulmates. She just needs to learn how to live without you.”_

_“Why would she need that though? What’s wrong with being dependent on someone who plans to be with you forever?”_

_“It’s just not healthy, man.” Isak tried to explain, as if he was the relationship expert suddenly. “You should be two people in an equal partnership, not trying to force yourself to be one single entity. Because you’ll never_ actually _morph into one person, so it’s important that you both know how to exist on your own.”_

_“I think,” Jonas said, snatching the joint from Isak’s fingers, “You need to stop pretending to be fucking Gandhi every time you get high.”_

_“Oh, okay, says the dude who rants about capitalism every single time he takes a hit.” Isak rolled his eyes, “As if you’re not giving into your capitalistic instincts whenever you buy weed in the first place.”_

_Jonas then launched into a long rant about politics and Isak just sat back and watched his soulmate. He breathed in some fresh air from the open window next to him, thinking about his future._

_Maybe he wouldn’t ever find someone to love, and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. It sure was easier than trying to figure out his sexuality, or how to tell his mother, or what to say when his significant other saw his mark. Things would be easier if no one out there had ‘Isak Valtersen’ on their wrist._

* * *

It was around noon when Even’s eyes slowly opened. He blinked several times, taking in his environment and the blond boy in front of him. He was in Isak’s bed, completely wrapped up in his comforter.

“Hey,” Isak said gently.

Even shifted, rolling onto his back. He avoided meeting Isak’s gaze. “Hey.”

“You hungry?”

“I should leave.” Even replied.

“No,” Isak insisted.

“It’s not fair to you --”

“What do you mean, not fair?” Isak interrupted, “I told you, I want you. I meant _all_ of you.”

“You don’t need to lay around and take care of me.”

“Yeah, I don’t need to.” Isak agreed. “But I want to.”

Even sighed. Logically he understood what Isak was trying to say, but there was still always doubt in his mind. He was so used to the idea that no one would ever love him. Sonja only stayed with him for so long because she was desperate for a connection she’d never get to have.

“Besides…” Isak continued, “We have to be together. Because I’m Gatsby and Jonas is Daisy and you’re Nick. While my soulmate is Jonas, you’re the only one who could actually love me.” He grabbed Even’s hand from under the pillow where Even’s head lay. He ran his thumb over the ‘Isak Valtersen’, it was the first time he really got a chance to look at it. “My name is on your wrist for a reason, Even. I’m just trying to do what fate wants.”

Even couldn’t help but smile slightly, watching as Isak placed a light kiss to his wrist. It all seemed too good to be true right now, but maybe someday he would be able to believe that Isak really wanted him. All he could do was hope that day came soon.

Even unwrapped the blanket from around himself, throwing half of it over Isak. He closed his eyes softly, just enjoying the peaceful silent company of the other boy. At some point, he noticed that there was music playing softly from somewhere in the room.

 _"Oh that grace, oh that body,_  
_Oh that face makes me wanna party._  
_He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds."_

"Are you playing The Great Gatsby soundtrack?" Even asked, looking fondly at the boy next to him.

Isak chuckled, "Am I pushing the reference too much?"

"Just a little."

"No, but seriously, it's a good soundtrack."

Even nodded in response, feeling to the calming sound of [Lana Del Ray](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_1aF54DO60) wash over him.

 _"Will you still love me_  
_When I'm no longer young and beautiful?_  
_Will you still love me_  
_When I got nothing but my aching soul?"_

"Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?" Isak asked, rubbing softly at Even's warm cheek.

Even smiled, "You know that I will."

 _"I know you will, I know you will_  
_I know that you will..._  
_Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_  
_Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_  
_Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful?"_


End file.
